Irreversible

Dec 7, 2006

when god was making me
in the light of this earth
little did he see??
or choose not to??
the heart
that he made had too many faults
it loved
it felt
it desired
to be loved
it expected only to loved
against all icy nights
that froze it
into a perfect piece of flesh....

today i realised it...that i m an outcaste..sitting there with them i wasnt anyone.. wasnt someone they wanted in their lives....was someone who isnt anyway invited to the party and doesnt matter if they forget....

hungry ...waiting for them to call me for lunch..they are togther with each other...and the only person bothered is me...yes they still affect me....but not anymore....

they dont need me..anyhow...im not a part of their proud lives.....im just an embarresment covered with reconciliatory smiles...formal hellos and a little consolation of public amiability...that they recognize me...they know me...rest they have their lives to live...i am absolutely barred in their lives of "happy together".

i am the least of the last option...to kill unwanted time or to just to make themselves comfortable with the consolation that they are good to me...and that i deserve a chance....what chance....wha...

well.....this was the last bit my heart had to go on for.....no more does it have to anticipate...tonite i shall cry...the last time....alone.....while they are together...reliving their time....

no more shall the heart the evidence of a light existing outside....anyway how does it matter when no one cares....i join the club too....crush it...kill it......i hate it myself......