Blank

blank.....December 10, 2006

only if i could scrape the skin off myself......
either disgust or lust...nothing else around...
days turning into mares of the night
it doesnt end nowhere
empty are desires again
nights make them infinite
not anger not jealousy
shear pang of being the outcaste
shadows of silence have crouched quietly
only to take shape in these moments
with growing breathlessness
grows the silence
everything holding me a hostage
to those frantic moments
of beats of
fear and not being wanted
by the stranger that is myself........

kal ratey i was frantically trying everyone...bari thekey tarpor beriye gelam.....found arnab near the campus...i cant explain...but i came back only early in the morning....days turn into nightmare...its not jealousy, not anger..shear pain.....too tired.
matha ta akhon ektu state e esechey..
duh!!! sokal e i was blanked out...
u dont know what happens ... i simply get day mares even.. aj oficey ashar somoy akta lok key rastay dekhey hath pa thanda hoye gechilo... sei lokta..i thought i saw that man ..that night..again... kinda hallucinate korlam.....
it was simply disgusting yesterday...