ha ha ha!!! to start with!!!
lifes like that... the thrill is in the chase says one of my friend.. and when they catch your attention...everything fades out....
thats exactly when you begin to realise there were better options you lost out on.
thats just one story there....
days are running low again...
a very important phase of my life seems to have begun and i can see a dusty whirl-wind approaching from a distance...
just one meeting , one recollection of what everyone calls a social catastrophy and what i call a terrible mistake, and im down there again...spending sleepless nights ... the subconcious fear of a nothingness and helplessness is creeping back.
this time its coming back with another 'pit' which i have again and again... the feeling of being a social outcaste, being avoided by friends and aquaintainces even family...
at such a time...the pitfalls that i am avoiding, the way i am doing them are not so approved by what people call 'normal'
i cling to people who barely care what im going through.
i am ruthless to the ones who really care.
i wander alone through the streets of my city till i realise my legs are hurting too much and in the evening expressions become my poems.
i dont eat till im feeling dizzy.
and i look for attention from all of these people.
i may or may not cry...these days i curse myself if i feel like.
i call up or sms everyone on my list of contacts.they may or may not respond...
like someone suggested i have started reading again....everytime thoughts try to wander i cage them in the pages of the book im reading...and it works....
why am i writing all of this?
because i guess these pages have been my best friend always...truest to keep all my lousy write ups and understanding to everything under disguise...
and im the most needed, consoled and cheered by whatever i express...
a new day is yet to come...it would be a long night again...before 'it' gets over...
and till then my prayers shall be here...
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