Formula fails

I am dreading the next 5 months...to live

Somewhere back in the 90's were my college days. In a class of 19 students 7 of us were a type and 5 out of which always stuck together most of the times.
The two left out were Arvind and Neelima. When most of us were discovering a new life, with new friends they found each other. In one of my conversations with Arvind, when Neelima wasnt around he told me something
he said- ' I will not be hurt if things go the wrong way. The best way not to get hurt is to tell yourself everyday a number of times aloud , that it doesn't matter and to imagine what it would be like if it were over and feel the pain everyday. Then it wouldn't matter when it actually ended.

Two years after graduation Neelima got married, not to Arvind
Bits and pieces of the affair kept coming from the classmates I had.
Another two years after that I heard the rest of the story from Dharamvir in Ahmedabad.

Arvind belonged to a wealthy Jat family. so much money that once when Arvind's car, a Maruti 1000 ( the newest models on street those days) got stolen his father said -'Good! now we can get another color'. Yet Jats are also one of those ill famed communities who could kill a girl because her father gave the wrong color car for dowry.

Neelima belonged to a Punjabi family- conservative yet not so conservative

Arvind tried hard to convince his family but they could never give into to the fact that their son would bring in a girl from another caste. He had even threatened his father to quit the family business and had stayed in his car for a few days. Neelima waited a long time for things to get better till she broke and her family decided it was time for her to move on.

Two years after Neelima got married, Arvind's family found him a wife.

I wonder if it had been as easy as Arvind had mentioned. Why did Arvind try so hard?

I never forgot what he had told me about not getting hurt. I believed it for sometime and tried working it out on myself. But honestly speaking it doesn't work. It doesn't work even when you have seen it all and then prepare yourself for the worst. however loud you may say it, it still doesn't reach the heart and you end up in some corner, dependent on someone's existence. The mere presence of someone. however much I see it from the other side ... I am still miserable
I am trying to think what i would do every evening and every weekend, for roughly half a year/140 days/24 weeks whichever feels psychologically the least time to be spent.
I cant elaborate what I feel except that it doesn't feel one bit good. At my age emotions do not float up but stay deep down like a pebble in the pond. It changes the character of the pond subtly quite unseen.

Like Wong Kar Wai says-'Events can creep up on you...
...without you even noticing.It happens all the time'

I never noticed...and it happened...only if I knew where the fast forward button is I wouldn't care if the formula failed. I only felt it until loosing 'Tong', our little kitten came like a stab and found the pointer on the right reason of my misery.
Events do creep up and you find you strangely placed in a familiar space, a familiar emotion from which you had been running away not realizing that you were running in a circle.

Every formula then simply fails...

yet you live to hope and hope finds 'Tong'...two weeks after she was lost.
http://sanjukta-everyday.blogspot.com/2008/02/painted-by-wong-kar-wai.html