for komal

no one from the class of 2001 Textiles- Pearl academy would refuse to agree- no one could stand komal kanuga when she opened her mouth.
but none of were less shocked when she vanished from our lives.

komal was just 18. i was 23 then.

komal was garrulous and no one could shut her up once she started speaking. she was full of pjs, had the strangest ways to prove that she was dumb, and had the best possible strategies to be able to make people want to run away from her.

we failed miserably in judging her. we probably never tried to judge her. or shall i say we did judge her and that wasnt required.
she wanted to live 'natural'
and we didnt even let her die naturaly

komal kanuga wanted to be a psychologist. but she would never be one.
she would come to pearl academy, under the disguise of happiness, fail miserably to draw a straight line or make a wonderful fabrics. she would come here to please her mother who was preparing for their future.

komal's brother was a hotelier working abroad.
her father a surgeon practised in new york.
her mother lived here in delhi with komal.
thus komal was her mother's spade to dig a tunnel to new york.

i met her mother once , komal had introduced me to her. it felt her mother was staking everything on her daughter's career in design. at their house that day i saw a different daughter. someone extremely responsible and obidient. i had never seen or knew this komal before.

that same year komal applied for FIT-New York.
her papers never reached
and komal kanuga hanged herself with a nylon dupatta.

everyone in the academy who knew her or even barely knew her was shocked. i cant explain what our whole class was going through.

and i could sleep alone in my room for months.

partly because i considered myself responsible.

few days before all this happened, komal had started smoking, and i fought with her offering her choice between her cigarettes and me. she did choose me. she wanted to speak to me about something...but i was angry...silly
that she wanted to speak to me was told by one of my classmates who was trying to resolve this petty fight. komal had requested her to talk to me.
i couldnt never reach her...

today while talking to another class mate abhishek , our conversation rolled on to the memories of komal.he remembered- that he had, had an accident the day before and had hurt his hand. he had told komal about how it all happened, and how the girl had been angry on the man who hurt abhishek.

we couldnt see komal was hurt too and she was loosing time.

we didnt see you komal. we didnt even try.
everyone of us is responsible for not being able to tolerate you....
you knew it ...
when you would not be there we would be relived...
and now...your memory doesnt leave us...